


nights like this, I become afraid (of the darkness in my heart)

by PardonMyManners



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Partial Fix it, Romance, Slow Burn, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, alright?!, and happy endings, attempting to be realistic, be prepared for tropes, because they fucking deserve it, for I enjoy the tropes, god help us all, i'm pacing myself here, kind of, there will be smut! fear not!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-09 21:10:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8912074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PardonMyManners/pseuds/PardonMyManners
Summary: Cassian tripped, stumbling, and Jyn was too weak to do more than help lower him as gently as possible to the sand before collapsing next to him. The blast blossomed into a looming sun on the horizon, rushing toward them, and she could smell the ionic energy of it, feel the rising heat on the wind that rushed past her ears. It was beautiful, in its way.She reached out to take Cassian’s hand, more grateful than she could say that she would not have to die as she had lived, alone.---Or how living is harder than dying and the Rebellion isn't done with Jyn and Cassian just yet.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rogue One killed me, this is my way of coping with the pain lol. A short chapter to start of us off, longer ones to come. Be gentle with me, Star Wars fic is a new realm for me.

 

For the first time in her life, Jyn Erso didn’t have an escape plan.

There was no backup strategy, no plan B, no contingency plan -not this time. She’d spent her life running and hiding, mostly from herself, and she was weary of it, weary of trying to out maneuver death. _Was this how Saw felt,_ she wondered as the elevator eased to a stop and the doors opened.

She stumbled with Cassian toward the beach, heading toward the blooming explosion cloud rather than away from it. Why put off the inevitable? Why run from something she couldn’t possibly escape? Besides, she’d always liked beaches –the warmth of the sand, the sound of the waves, the quiet power of the ocean.  Cassian was weakening, his feet dragging as he clutched at his side, face contorted with agony. The battle had calmed, only the occasional sound of blaster fire disturbing the soft ocean breeze and the sound of gentle waves. It was the long breath before the end, as if the entire island sensed the inescapable.

Cassian tripped, stumbling, and Jyn was too weak to do more than help lower him as gently as possible to the sand before collapsing next to him. The blast blossomed into a looming sun on the horizon, rushing toward them, and she could smell the ionic energy of it, feel the rising heat on the wind that rushed past her ears. It was beautiful, in its way.

She reached out to take Cassian’s hand, more grateful than she could say that she would not have to die as she had lived, alone.

“Your father would be proud of you, Jyn,” he said, that slight smile tugging at his lips, the one she’d come to long for. A smile Jyn returned, her heart full and at peace.

“Perhaps the two of you could hold hands _later_ and climb aboard the ship _now_ ,” a familiar voice called and Jyn’s head whipped around to find Baze leaning heavily against the side of the hovering cargo craft.

Despite his injuries, Cassian was quicker to react than she, scrambling to his feet and half dragging her to the open bay doors. Jyn mechanically pulled herself aboard as Baze assisted Cassian, who was gray and pallid with pain, eyelids fluttering on the brink of unconsciousness.

“Go, go, go!” Baze bellowed as he dragged a groaning Cassian further into the ship and the explosion rushed toward them.

They weren’t going to make it, Jyn was sure, and she collapsed onto the cool metal, almost wishing they had just stayed on the beach. One could only avoid death for so long before it finally caught up. Their luck, she was certain, had run out.

Whoever was in the cockpit hit the thruster _hard,_ sending them skidding across the floor and Jyn banged roughly against the adjacent wall of the deck. She cried out in pain, head spinning as the bay doors lifted and the heat from the blast chased after them. Someone reached out for her, took her hand and pulled her across the floor and into their arms.

“I’ve got you,” Cassian croaked into her hair, and Jyn relaxed, melted into the words. He smelled of sweat, blood, the ionic discharge of a blaster, and something softer and sweeter. Something that reminded her of home and of safety and comfort. She wrapped her arms clumsily around him and embraced the growing darkness, slipping gently and willingly into it.

\--

Jyn groaned into a semblance of awareness, a faint beeping reverberating in her ears. Everything hurt. Her _eyelids_ hurt. She felt heavy, weighed down to the very marrow of her bones, unable to move, unable to open her eyes. Unable to think much beyond the fact that she was in too much pain to be dead.

“There now, you’re safe, you’re safe” said a calming voice and there was prick in her arm and numbness crept through her veins. The relief was so acute that she slipped into unconsciousness again, distantly hoping that Cassian was nearby.  

\--

When she awoke again it was suddenly and completely. Eyes snapping open and heart pounding with a half remembered dream. She’d been running down a long, dark corridor, lights flickering and the earth rumbling beneath her. Cassian had been running ahead of her, turning back periodically to shout things at her, hand extended, before something had gripped her by the ankle and dragged her down, down into the darkness.  

Jyn collapsed back into the pillows of her hospital bed, trying to still her trembling and swallowing against the desert in her throat. She’d visited the medical bay once at the rebel headquarters, shortly after her 'rescue', and was fairly certain that that was where she was, as impossible as it seemed. Medical instruments beeped softly and the room was only dimly lit. There were no windows, only a glass door that was glazed over. She had no sense of how long she’d been unconscious, it might have been hours or possibly eve years for all she knew.

The door slid open and a medical droid rolled in with a platter of food clutched between its metal pincers. “Good evening, ma’am,” it said, rolling toward her and using a secondary attachment to summon a table from the side of her bed. “You must be famished.”

It set the platter down, revealing a bland array of various vegetables and an indecipherable meat-like dish that was not at all appetizing. Jyn reached eagerly for the glass of water and took a hearty swallow, nearly choking on the unmistakable taste of powdered  vitamins.

“How long was I out?” she croaked, gasping for air and then draining the rest of the glass, instantly wishing for another.

“Five days,” the robot answered, fussing with some mysterious screen near Jyn’s head.

Jyn rubbed a shaky hand over her face, wincing as she met a variety of bumps, bruises and cuts.

“The others?” she asked, though she feared the answer.

“Captain Andor woke earlier this morning, though his injuries were more serious. The others of your crew were not seriously injured and were released from medical detainment two days ago.”

Jyn wet her lips. “How many others were there?”

“Only two others, ma’am,” it replied, turning toward her, its single blue camera dilating. “You must eat.”

“I’d like to see my friends, please,” she said pushing herself carefully into a better sitting position. _Only two_ , _Force save me, which two?_

She was pretty certain she knew the answer, and the truth of it clawed at her stomach and rattled against her rib cage, trying to escape before it tore her apart.

The robot seemed to hesitate. “I will ask the medical staff if that is advisable. I would recommend eating your meal, it will make them more lenient with your current visitation status.”

Jyn sighed and reached for her fork, dutifully chomping down several disgusting mouthfuls under the robot’s watchful eye. Once she was finished, the robot took her tray and disappeared out of the room, leaving Jyn to take stock. She was in better shape than she had expected, which was a bit of an understatement as she’d rather expected to die. There were bandages around her waist and her ribs ached. Her right ankle was encased in a flexible cast and her body was comprised more of bruises than flesh, but overall, she’d had worse.

Tugging out the tube from her arm, she rose to her feet, heavily favoring the left. She needed to see Cassian or Baze or someone _now_ , just to reassure herself that she was well and truly alive, to ensure that they were still with her, medical staff be damned. Since when had she ever followed the rules, anyway?

A bit dizzy, she tapped the button near the door and it slid open, revealing a dark and empty hallway. She poked her head out, deciding it was likely very early or very late, as the center operations area was empty save for a single distracted medical technician that had his back turned to her. Jyn slipped down the hall, going left and praying she was going in the right direction. She was dressed in loose, beige medical robes that swished against her sore calves, her bare feet cold against the stone floor. She’d only taken a dozen or so steps before becoming dangerously light headed and out of breath, but Cassian’s picture hovered just three doors down and she forced herself onward.

Glancing down the hall to ensure the technician was still distracted, she slipped inside the room and leaned heavily against it once it slid shut.

Cassian lay sleeping beneath a dim light above his bed, which cast his angular features into sharp relief. He looked younger asleep. Peaceful for the first time since they'd met. She’d always assumed he was at least a decade older than her, but now she wasn’t so sure. His normally olive skin was pale and a bit drawn, but the heart monitor ticked peacefully away.

Tears burned and she shuffled over to him, overwhelmed. Not wishing to disturb him but desperate to touch him, to reassure herself that  he was real, she gently took one of his battered hands in hers. His skin was warm and rough and she studied his long fingers with their short nails and old scars through her tears.

“Am I dreaming?” he croaked, startling her so badly she jumped slightly and nearly fell across him and onto the bed, her strained muscles not quite up to compensating for surprises.

His eyes were partially open, watching her from beneath dark lashes, and that familiar smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. It made her chest ache and her skin tingle. He had several mending cuts on his cheeks and across his brow, a purple bruise beneath his right eye and along the right side of his neck that disappeared into his growing beard, but he looked better than she’d expected. In fact, he was possibly the best thing she’d ever seen.  

Jyn sniffled, feeling a bit silly with relief. “I hurt too much to be dreaming.”

He grunted and his fingers tightened over hers. “We almost didn’t make it.”

Jyn nodded, slumping against his bed, the dizziness growing. “I never expected to,” she confessed at a murmur.

His fingers clenched tighter and his dark eyes shone with emotion. “Neither did I… but I’m glad we did.”

She nodded, tears sliding down her poor, raw cheeks. “Me too,” she said, then, “Cassian?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not sure I can make it back to my room,” she mumbled, embarrassed.

He chuckled lightly and shifted over, only winching a little, just a little, and tugged gently on her hand. The thread between them hummed and vibrated, but she was too tired and hurt to pay it much heed as she slipped onto the bed , curling up against him on her good side. He threaded his fingers through hers and turned his head to rest against her brow, eyes slipping shut as a soft sigh escaped him. She realized then that they had time now, time to figure out how strong that thread was, time to understand the underlying connection they’d both been ignoring.

Jyn breathed him in, that familiar semi-sweet smell mixed with antiseptic and chemicals, felt the warmth of his hand against hers, watched his pulse twitch steadily against his throat, and smiled for what felt like the very first time.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His hands tightened on her shoulders, warm and solid and real, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at him, afraid of what she might find, or perhaps of what she wouldn’t. Despite herself, she thought of their moments in the elevator, when time had seemed to still and he’d stood so close, breathing her air, stroking her cheek and jaw. She wondered if he ever thought of it.
> 
> “We just have to be patient this time, Jyn,” he told her after a long moment. “We can’t save the galaxy all on our own.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All aboard the angst train! Thank you so much for all the support and reviews. Bear with me as I muddle my way through the Star Wars universe as best I can -I've been a life long fan, but this is my first time writing fic for it.

Her debrief took nearly six hours, which was just long enough for Jyn to become truly aggravated.

They talked in circles for hours, Jyn relating every single detail of their experiences over and over again until her jaw ached and her temples throbbed. Speaking it aloud, reliving each terrible moment, she couldn’t help but think it had all be a miracle. A miracle that they had managed to get the plans, transmit them, and survive, despite all odds. It was hard even for her to believe, and she had _been_ there.

“You should know, Lieutenant Erso, that you disobeyed direct orders,” General Draven drawled, scowling at her from across the small metal table. It was just the two of them in a cramped room, only slightly larger than your average supply closet, a single hanging bulb dangling between them.

Jyn frowned, bemused. “Lieutenant?” she hedged.

Draven cleared his throat and straightened in his chair, suddenly unable to quite meet her eye. “Ah, well, yes. We’re aware you haven’t officially joined our ranks but, well, the position is available if you want it.”

Jyn lofted a brow, reclining in her chair with a smirk. “Lieutenant, hum? So despite all the accusations, you’re _not_ going to have me thrown into a cell somewhere?”

Draven scowled at her, looking like he would very much _like_ to throw her into a cell somewhere. “We struck the Empire a blow, but we need people now more than ever. The plans are -well, they’re currently unaccounted for and we believe Princess Organa has been kidnapped by-“

“What do you mean _currently unaccounted_ for?!” she demanded loudly, bracing her forearms along the table and clenching her fists.

“We mean that only a single spacecraft managed to escape what happened at Scarif, one out of _hundreds_ , and it was pursued. We believe it was eventually overtaken, or so their last transmission indicates, but we are uncertain if anyone managed to escape from the vessel before it was captured.”

Jyn squeezed her eyes shut, nearly overwhelmed by irrational fury. People had died for those plans. Good people, some of them her friends. _She’d_ nearly died to get them, had been ready to die to make sure they got into Alliance hands, no matter the cost.

“Which system?” she ground out.

Draven was silent for a long moment before he sighed and a rubbed a hand over his face. “The Outer Rim Territories, the Arkanis sector, we think.”

Jyn cursed loudly and rose from her chair to pace, fire flicking under her skin and the sound of blaster fire echoing in her ears. Her right ankle, mostly healed now after nearly two weeks in the medical wing, throbbed in protest, but she ignored it. Was he telling her that it had all been for _nothing_?!

“So what’s being done? Are you searching the planets in the system? Monitoring Imperial communications-“

“We’re doing what we can, Lieutenant,” he interrupted sternly and the title made her bristle. There were different kinds of prisons, she realized. “The area is swarming with Imperial starships, we’re having trouble slipping past their barricades.”

“There has to be something more we can do,” she insisted, the fire under skin snapping and sparking.

Draven rose stiffly to his feet and made for the door. “ _You_ can rest and heal. We’ll need you soon, Erso.” He opened the door and waved her out, mouth pressed into a hard and warning line. He’d told her more than he wanted to, she realized, and he was likely praying he wasn’t going to regret it.

Jyn glared at him, searching for something, anything to say, and found she was only capable of grinding out a single phrase before stomping blindly past him.

“ _Lieutenant_ Erso, Commander.”

She didn’t realize she was crying until she encountered a very uncomfortable looking pilot further down the hall, who eyed her like she was a bomb ready to go off at any moment. She quickly made a beeline for the open hanger, desperate for fresh air, anything to cool the raging fire that was threatening to consume her whole.

\--

Cassian found her, eventually.

She recognized the sound of his footfalls across the grass and wondered at it, at her ability to distinguish him from a step, a breath, a word, even a look. Their adventures had left them in sync, in orbit around each other; had turned them into two lonely pathetic planets circling about a dying sun.

 Or maybe, just maybe, it was something more.

She’d never had much luck with men. All her infatuations had been short lived and generally disappointing. Her feelings for them had usually been fairly shallow, the product of too much time spent alone, on the run, and a desperation for human contact. She’d learned early on not to trust, not to rely on anyone but herself, so she’d taken what she needed… and left. This was different, whatever _‘this’_ was between them, and it scared her. Scared her more than dying had.

“Lieutenant Erso?” he asked, standing behind where she sat on an overturned crate, his voice faintly teasing, and she shot him a glare over her shoulder. The rebel base sprawled out behind them, ships landing and departing, troops marching to and from buildings and training grounds, a well-oiled machine, more like the Empire in some ways than they likely wanted to admit.

Cassian was still a bit pale and he didn’t stand quite as tall as he once had, not yet, but his eyes were bright and his dark hair tossed in a breeze. The bruises on his face and neck had faded to a yellow that almost matched his skin and the cuts had sealed and scabbed over, several of which, she was certain, would scar.

He was handsome, she admitted to herself. Hard, scowling, rather grumpy, and worn rough by the rebellion, but undeniably handsome. He wore a loose shirt, left open at the neck, and brown pants and boots. Looking at him made her chest hot and her palms sweaty, which was just ridiculous, really.

“Don’t think you can start giving me orders now, Captain,” she warned lightly as he came toward her and she scooted over on the crate so he could sit.

Seated, he leaned forward and braced his elbows against his knees, hands clasped upright and chin resting on them. It was a beautiful day; warm, with a cool breeze that rustled the trees and smelt of lush vegetation and cool, crisp air.

She liked sitting with him like this; quiet, no imminent disaster breathing down their necks, no echo of distant blaster cannon fire or terrified screams. Oh, there was trouble on the horizon, she knew that well enough, but it felt like they at least had a moment to breathe, to sit, to think.

Looking at the back of his neck, where his hair curled slightly against the collar of his shirt, a bit shaggy, but soft looking, she wished she knew more about him. Wished she better understood his motivations, why he’d agreed to come with her that day in the hanger before Scarif what felt like a life time ago. Why he’d decided to trust her. Maybe it would help her to understand when and why she’d come to trust him, too. 

“There was a time I thought you’d cut and run as soon as you could,” he said after a long and comfortable silence.

Jyn leaned back on her hands, stretching still-sore muscles and wondering if there would ever be a day that she didn’t feel battered and ragged. She felt old, like she’d seen too much of the galaxy, or maybe too little.

“And now?” she pressed, trying to distract herself from her tumultuous thoughts.

He smirked again, looking at her sideways. “Now I want to run with you.”

Jyn laughed, surprised, and more than a little pleased. “Afraid we’re both stuck now,” she replied ruefully.

He scoffed lightly, turning away and letting his hands and head fall. The soft carelessness of the moment faded by degrees and the smile died on her face.

“Feels like it will never be over,” he confessed quietly after a moment, his accent thick with emotion. “That we’ll always be fighting, that there will always be some battle somewhere. Not that I know anything else.”

Jyn looked out across the trees, a pit growing in her stomach. “Yeah, me either really. Always running, always fighting.  At least now I’m fighting for _something_.”

Cassian sighed, sitting up straight with his hands braced on his thighs. “Sometimes it’s hard to remember.”

“The plans-“

“I know, they told me this morning,” he said gruffly and she glanced at him. His eyes flashed with anger and his brow furrowed, likely thinking of the men they’d left behind, some of whom had surely been his friends.

“We have to do something,” she murmured, hoping she didn’t sound as desperate as she felt.

He met her gaze and faltered. “We’re not in shape to do much, Jyn.”

“We can’t just let the plans go, not after everything that’s happened, not after everyone who-“

“Hey, hey,” he said sternly, resting a hand on her shoulder and squeezing lightly. His eyes had gone soft and kind, an expression she’d once thought beyond him. He was all sharp angles and rough edges most of the time, seeing him as anything else made her heart flutter with a strange sort of anticipation. “I know, okay?” he continued. “I know. But I’ve seen the reports, the Empire has the sector almost completely locked down. We’re searching for a way through, but it’s going to be tough, really tough, and there are other concerns, other systems that need our help.”

Jyn turned away, squeezing her hands together in an attempt to relieve some of the pressure inside her chest. With the Death Star still out there, capable of destroying entire cities, possibly entire plants, what did the rest matter?

“It can’t be all for nothing,” she choked out, trembling slightly beneath his hand.

He surprised her by reaching across and grabbing her other shoulder, turning her toward him. His eyes were severe, his jaws set. “Jyn what we did, what _you_ did, it gave people hope. Hope when we had none at all. That has to count for something.”

Jyn’s cheeks grew hot and she looked away, unable to bear the intensity of his gaze, not when she felt so torn and jumbled inside, so unsure of herself. “We can’t let Chirrut have died for _nothing_ ,” she insisted, voice tripping over his name.

His hands tightened on her shoulders, warm and solid and real, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at him, afraid of what she might find, or perhaps of what she wouldn’t. Despite herself, she thought of their moments in the elevator, when time had seemed to still and he’d stood so close, breathing her air, stroking her cheek and jaw. She wondered if he ever thought of it.

“We just have to be patient this time, Jyn,” he told her after a long moment. “We can’t save the galaxy all on our own.”

\--

Later, when she felt she was up to the emotional weight of it, Jyn went in search of Baze.

She found him, eventually, seated beneath a long, slim window in a dusty corner of the base, cleaning his blaster. It was quiet here, only the sound of his cloth and the distant promise of voices disturbing the musty air. She paused at the door, watching him, and realized she would never be ready, not if she lived a hundred, possibly even a thousand years. She’d lost nearly everyone she’d ever cared for, _twice over_ in some cases, but this was different. This would always be different, would always be more, because for one, bright moment, they had been a family.

Jyn shuffled uncertainly into the room, weighed down by her grief and incompetence. What could she possibly even say to him? There were no words in any language that could convey her sympathy, her regret. So, she settled for placing a trembling hand on his shoulder, her heart breaking for him, with him.

He tensed, hands stilling, and glanced back at her. He studied her for a moment before his grizzled face, so strong, so steady, seemed to collapse in on itself. He reached up and patted her hand, turning away.

“I’ll be alright, little sister,” he said. “Someday.”

Jyn swallowed thickly. Tears pressed against her eyes but she was afraid that if she set them free now, she’d never stop.

“I-I am one with the Force,” she choked out, several traitorous tears escaping.

“And the Force is with me,” he replied, voice breaking, and he squeezed her fingers hard enough to hurt. They stayed like that for a long while; two broken souls at the edge of the universe, recalling the promise of a brighter future.  

\--

Bodhi was busy fixing their trusty Imperial cargo ship when Jyn finally tracked him down. The medical staff was becoming rather annoyed with her, insisting that she stay off her ankle and rest, but she was too full of… _something_ , everything, to sit idle for long.

“The Empire has logged it as missing or stolen by now, surely,” she said, arms crossed over her chest, amused despite herself, and he whirled away from an open circuit compartment on the outside of the ship, his goggles making his eyes large and rather buggy. He blinked at her for a moment before shoving the goggles up and smiling at her.

After a heartbeat he lurched forward to give her an awkward one armed hug that Jyn returned with a chuckle, grinning despite herself.

“I have some ideas about that,” he said eagerly, turning away from her. “If I can get my hands on some of the Imperial transport logs, the Rebellion has what I’d need to override the identification on this ship. We could replace _our_ ship with one currently in commission or create a _new_ ship and add it to their cargo lists. The latter would be more feasible for our use, but _much_ harder to get through the Imperial tracking system-“

“Our use?” she interrupted and he turned to frown at her as though _she_ were the slightly crazy one.

“Yes, I mean, if we want to get through the Imperial barricade in the Arkanis sector, we’re going to need a way to get this ship past their detectors. We’ll have to break into one of the Empire’s way stations, one of the smaller ones, but we should be able to get ahold of the most recent cargo lists that way and-“

Jyn, nearly bursting with affection, interrupted him by throwing her arms around him and hugging him tightly. Bodhi was frozen for a long moment before tentatively patting her on the back.

“Ah, well, are you alright, uh, Jyn?” he asked uncertainly and she released him only so she could beam up at him, heart pounding with sudden enthusiasm.

“You, Bodhi Rook,” she declared loudly, “are a genius.” He blushed and ducked his head but was not quite able to hide the pleased smile that tugged at his lips.

\---

Jyn’s dreams had always been restless and dark, and they had only gotten worse since Scarif.

In them, something chased her, always chased her, dark and horrifying, and angry, so _angry_. Whatever it was, it was too fast for her to out run, no matter how hard she tried, no matter how hard she pushed herself, it was always there, breathing down her neck.

Tonight she was on Jedha, racing through the desert, the sun pressing down on her, cooking her from the inside out as she panted and strained. The darkness never faltered, never slowed, gaining on her as she stumbled and fought against the sand. Her lungs burned, her legs ached, and her heart felt near exploding.

Cassian’s voice called to her, carried by the wind. Urgent and concerned as she stumbled and fell, the shadow that pursued her rushed forward to consume her.

“Jyn! Wake up!” someone shouted and Jyn started awake, a shaking sweaty mess. Disoriented she shuffled away from the figure beside her before realizing where she was.

“Cassian?” she asked, blinking into the darkness of her small room in the medical wing, heart still thundering in her ears.

She could only just make out his face in the darkness; the glint of his eyes and the familiar line of his jaw.

“Are you alright?” he asked softly. “You were having a nightmare.”

Jyn flushed and shuffled away from him and out of the bed, embarrassed. “It’s fine. I’m sure I’m not the only one,” she said stiffly, brushing her matted hair out of her face. “What are you doing here?”

Cassian stood, rubbing his hands on his pants in a rare show of uncertainty. “Baze, he, well, he wanted to have a ceremony, for… you know, ah...”

Jyn froze and swallowed over the lump that immediately rose in her throat. “I-I’ll get dressed,” she stammered, spinning clumsily away from him.

She reached for her shirt and pants on the nearby table and turned to find Cassian still standing there, watching her in the dark. A delicious, uncertain shiver crept up her spine and she clutched her clothes to her chest, suddenly feeling very vulnerable in her tight undershirt and loose sleeping pants. The air between them seemed heavy and expectant, full of promise, and she clenched her thighs together.

“C-Cassian?”

He cleared his throat and his voice was a bit rough as he replied, “Yes.”

There seemed to be a thousand things she wanted to say to him, but they all seemed ridiculous and terrifying. Instead she blurted, “I need to get dressed, could you-“

Cassian jerked to attention and immediately took several steps back, as if she’d suddenly grown a few extra arms or started breathing fire. “Right, ah, sorry, I’ll uh, be outside,” he stammered and turned on his heel to escape. It would have been amusing if she didn’t feel similarly off kilter.

Jyn stared after him for a moment, biting her lip and trying to banish all thoughts of what it might have been like to close that distance between them rather than widen it. Foolish, of course.

After she dressed, Cassian led her down a rarely used hallway and outside into the chill night air. She shivered, wishing she’d grabbed a coat as she wrapped her arms around herself in a vain attempt to stay warm. She hated to be cold.

Cassian led her silently into the tree line, the light of the twin moons their only guide as Cassian picked his way confidently through the bramble. Jyn hurried after him as best she could, clumsy in the dark and hampered by her shoddy ankle, and she tripped into him. He grunted and caught her, turning to set her right and frowning down at her. Again, Jyn’s heart leapt. Her fingers ached with the sudden desire to touch his face, to feel the contrast between his bare cheeks and his recently trimmed beard

Cassian’s frown deepened as a shiver that had nothing to do with the cold swept through her. “You’re freezing,” he accused and released her abruptly to shrug out of his jacket.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, flustered. “Should have grabbed a coat.”

“S’alright, I run hot anyway,” he said with a smirk that shone in the darkness and tossed his jacket over her shoulders. It swallowed her in pleasant warmth and drowned her in his familiar smell. Motor oil, freshly laundered clothes, and warm, human skin. She shivered again and awkwardly shoved her arms into the sleeves.

“Come on,” he murmured, extending a hand to her, which she took after a brief moment of hesitation.

Cassian pulled her deeper into the forest, seeming to know exactly where he was going while Jyn had long since lost all sense of direction. All she was truly aware of was the fact that he never let go of her hand, fingers clasped tightly and securely around hers.

Eventually they emerged into a clearing where a small pyre had been erected at its center, the moons bearing down on the two figures that waited for them there. Cassian released her hand rather quickly when Bodhi turned at the sound of their approach.

“I thought maybe you’d gotten lost,” the pilot said by way of greeting, hands fiddling anxiously with his jacket.

Jyn said nothing, stepping uncertainly to Baze’s side. He held a lit torch in one hand and Chirrut’s staff in the other. He glanced at her, dark eyes deep wells of sorrow and memory.

“Thank you,” he said quietly, “for coming.”

Jyn shook her head, tears once again threatening to betray her. “We owe him everything.”

Baze grunted and smiled his gruff, worn smile before stepping forward through the tall, fragrant grass that rustled gently against their legs. He braced the staff against his arm, torch held aloft, and removed something from his pocket. Craning her neck, Jyn saw that it was a worn doll, hand stitched with a brown woolen robe and half a broken lightsaber in hand. Baze set it at the center of the pyre.

“Be at peace, my old friend,” he murmured, voice cracking and splintering as he set the blazing torch to the pyre until the flames caught. “The Force was always with you.”

Jyn bit back a sob, clenching her hands into tight fists to restrain her trembling, the nails biting sharp and painful into her palms, anchoring her to the ground. Chirrut had always been so kind, so gentle and willing to offer advice and support when everyone else had seemed to turn against her. She’d only known him a short while, but she’d known from the first that he was her friend.

Cassian and Bodhi stepped to either side of her as Baze moved away, the flames glinting off the tears trailing down his worn, sun baked cheeks.  She started a bit as Cassian gently pried loose the fingers of her right hand and carefully intertwined them with his. Jyn squeezed, struck once again by how lucky they were to all be there, alive and together. Cassian squeezed back, thumb brushing lightly, once, twice, over her knuckles, and it was almost shocking how easily such a small gesture managed to calm and reassure her.

They stood there until the pyre was almost entirely consumed, until it was reduced to little more than glowing embers. Finally, Baze turned toward her, face dry and eyes bright with purpose and determination. He held out Chirrut’s staff as Cassian released her hand and stepped slightly away. Jyn resisted the urge to follow him with her eyes, wondering what his expression might reveal in that moment.

“Take it,” Baze commanded, effectively distracting her from her thoughts, and Jyn immediately shook her head, overwhelmed and caught entirely off guard.

“I-I can’t,” she stammered, “you should-“

Baze interrupted her with a harsh shake of his head, jaw set in a stubborn line. “Take it, little sister, we have work to do.”

Sucking in a piercing breath, Chirrut’s voice resounded in her head. _I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me. I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me. I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me._

 Jyn reached out with a hand that trembled, heart pounding, and took the staff. The rising smoke seemed to dance and waver with approval as it dissipated into the brilliant night sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, lots of emotion this chapter. Things will really pick up in the next bit as the crew starts to formulate a plan.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Put your arms around me,” he commanded at a near shout, lips moving against her ear, the words all but piercing her ear drums. She obeyed jerkily. “We have to jump,” he told her once she was a bit more stable, one arm anchored about her waist like a vice grip.
> 
> “Fuck you,” she said amiably, clinging to him for dear life, and he actually chuckled.
> 
> “You can do it, alright? Just turn and jump, Baze is there to catch you.”
> 
> “Fuck you,” she repeated and turned her head to find Baze looking at her with fierce determination from the back of a hover craft that Bodhi was piloting.
> 
> “Hurry!” Baze bellowed at her impatiently. “Stop being a dammed baby and jump!”
> 
> “Blood hell,” she half screamed, adjusting her stance even though her entire body protested. “If you don’t catch me, Baze, I’ll bloody kill you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter got out of hand. Sorry not sorry? I have a weak spot for the pretty dresses on tough women trope. Lots of action in this one. 
> 
> WARNING! Some moderately graphic, er, 'rapy' scenes in here, so if that sort of thing is deeply disturbing for you to read, you may want to give parts of this chapter a pass. I did update the tags for Rape/Non-con, let me know if you feel this is warranted/unwarranted. 
> 
> All of your reviews have been lovely. I truly and deeply appreciate each and everyone. As always, feel free to drop by my Tumblr if you have any questions or concerns, I also post little drabbles there from time to time. :) 
> 
> @pardonmymannerssir

“Out of the question,” Commander Draven said the moment Cassian stopped talking. It took all of Jyn’s willpower to suppress an exasperated eye roll.

Senator Mothma pursed her lips and, as if sensing Jyn’s thoughts, turned her head to catch her eye. Jyn tried not to fidget, slightly worried that the other woman was capable of reading minds, and attempted to look as… _trustworthy_ as possible.

“Don’t be so quick to dismiss Captain Andor’s plans, Commander Draven,” Mothma said coolly, their success on Scarif an unspoken but clear implication, and she turned her attention back to the others gathered around the main table of central command. Draven grunted, crossing his arms over his chest. “Please, Captain,” the Senator insisted kindly, “do elaborate.”

Cassian, standing at attention, with his hands clasped behind his back, nodded curtly. He was dressed in his uniform and he looked sharp and unapproachable, no trace of softness or weakness. Jyn didn’t like it. Didn’t like thinking of him as some freshly sharpened weapon to be used repeatedly before being set aside, forgotten and discarded.

“Our pilot, Bodhi Rook, believes he can get us past the security of one of the smaller Imperial outposts,” Cassian said crisply. “Once inside their database, we’ll be able to gather the most recent cargo shipments and shipping codes. With this information, Bodhi believes that he can re-code the cargo ship we commandeered and get us past the barricade in the Arkanis sector.”

It was a pretty decent speech, Jyn thought, considering she’d spent a solid two days, with Bodhi and Baze for support, trying to convince him it was a good idea. Jyn was fairly certain he’d only agreed to shut them all up.

Mon Mothma nodded thoughtfully as Draven grumbled and frowned. Jyn was fairly certain the dour man was incapable of any other expression besides ‘grumpy and perpetually disapproving.’ She was learning not to take it personally.

“You realize, Captain, that after your actions on Scarif, the Empire is on high alert. We must be very careful with the Death Star still a very real threat and the plans unaccounted for,” the other woman said severely.

Cassian nodded again. “We- _I_ understand.”

Jyn gripped the table, trying to restrain herself from doing something rash, like reaching across the table to shake the imperious Rebel Leader by the shoulders. How could they not understand that when things seemed at their worst it was _precisely_ the time to act? To take risks. To have _hope_.

“Very well, Captain, I approve of this plan.” Senator Mothma said at last, earning a disbelieving glance from Draven. “But you must understand that if you undertake this mission the Alliance will be unable to aid you. You will be entirely on your own. Our position is too precarious to reveal ourselves now, as we speak we are preparing to move this base to another, more secure location.”

A shiver of trepidation slithered up Jyn’s spine and Cassian’s jaw clenched for a moment before he nodded yet again. “We… we understand, ma’am.”

Mothma gave a slight smile and her gaze shifted to Jyn with a warmth and appreciation she had not anticipated. No one looked at her like that. Like she was worth something, like she was some kind of damned hero. “You and your crew provided this cause with hope when it had none. It seems selfish to ask more of you, but I pray you are successful. We need those plans or all is truly lost.”

Jyn swallowed and stood at attention, attempting to mimic Cassian’s stance. “You can count on us,” she said, praying it was the truth.

“Very well,” the other woman agreed. “Commander Draven, I trust you’ll ensure they have everything they need. They’ll need to leave as soon as possible.”

\--

“This is insane, you know this, yes?” Cassian whispered aggressively as they dodged a troop of fighters marching down the corridor. His accent became thicker when he was agitated, Jyn noted, cataloging it alongside the knowledge that he was apparently impervious to cold and fidgeted with the handle of his blaster when he was thinking hard about something.

She smirked weakly. “Aren’t all of my plans?”

Cassian merely grunted, clearly not amused, and snapped out a hand to tug her down the hallway which led to the main barracks. She’d only been assigned official quarters the previous day; a small room, hardly bigger than a closet, with a cot, a few shelves, and several sets of various uniforms that she didn’t felt entirely comfortable wearing. Nothing grand or special, but still more than she’d had in a very, very long time. It had made her stupidly emotional.

Cassian led her to his room, which she was embarrassingly pleased to discover was just up the hall from hers. If she’d hoped to learn more about him from where he slept, however, she would have been sorely disappointed. His room looked about as well used as her own. There were no personal affects, no indication of a life beyond four stone walls and a small, ragged cot. It made Jyn oddly sad.

Sometimes looking at Cassian was like looking into a mirror, a painfully honest and unforgiving mirror. They’d both lost so much.

“We’ll be cut off, on our own out there,” he said, retrieving his familiar worn pack from under his cot and opening a small set of drawers to begin packing. Jyn watched him, silent and thoughtful. She liked to watch him move. Liked the breadth of his shoulders, the arch of his back, the graceful dance of his long, rough fingers. “If things go south we won’t be able to return, we can’t lead the Empire back to this place, or wherever their moving us.”

“You don’t know?” she asked, surprised.

Cassian shoved a pair of pants into his pack and turned toward her, his expression troubled. “No… they’re- well, they’re concerned that if we’re captured, we’ll give away its location.”

Jyn pursed her lips before nodding. It made sense, unfortunately for them. “I see. So what happens if we _do_ succeed, how do we get back?”

Cassian retrieved two blasters, one from under his pillow and another from his nightstand, and placed them in the pack before zipping it shut in one smooth motion. “There’s a planet in the nearby Galven system, we’re to go there and look for a man named Herst.”

“Herst?” she repeated, doubtful.

Cassian shot her a look that was somewhere between amusement and exasperation. She liked that look, like that she could get under his skin. “Let’s focus on _actually_ being successful and worry about the rest after, alright?”

Jyn snorted, opening her mouth to tease him about his pragmatism, when a horn blared from the comlink overhead. Her eyes met his for a brief, breathless moment before they both turned simultaneously to take off down the hall at a run. They were joined by a crowd of others, the halls full of pounding feet and harried voices.

“Is it an attack?!” she shouted at Cassian over the noise.

He took her hand and pulled her down a side hall. “I’m not sure,” he shouted back, his palm hot against her skin and, despite the situation, it made her heart tremble.

They arrived at central command to find total chaos. Jyn blinked, stunned and waiting for the sound of blaster fire and the roar of Imperial ships. Cassian caught one scurrying intelligence officer by the arm.

“What is it?” Cassian demanded, still holding Jyn’s hand. “What’s happened?”

The other man swallowed, the knob of his throat bobbing and his eyes wide with fear and disbelief. “I-its Alderan, s-sir, it’s been completely de-destroyed.”

\---

Jyn tugged the hood of her heavy coat forward in a vain attempt to keep out the rain as she peered into the darkness outside their spaceship.

There was nothing but vague rocky pillars and dark ominous sky as far as the eye could see. Which, admittedly, wasn’t very far. She clenched Chirrut’s staff in one hand, leaning on it in the deluge, trying to quell her anxiety.

“I don’t like this,” Cassian murmured from within the ship behind her, pacing the length of the hull by the sound of his heavy footfalls.

“He’ll be here,” Bodhi reassured him for the third time in as many minutes.

“We should have told the council about this _contact_ of yours,” Cassian insisted, tone disapproving.

It was clear that he was in a _mood_ -had been since they’d left Yavin, since news of Alderon’s destruction had shaken the entire rebellion, the entire galaxy, for that matter. He’d been brooding and grumpy, hardly saying a word to any of them. It was grating on Jyn’s nerves, because, somewhere along the way, she’d come to rely on him. He wasn’t allowed to fall apart on her now.

Bodhi sighed and Jyn turned to step back into the ship, dripping everywhere.

“I don’t _trust_ the council, not completely, and this contact is… a friend, I didn’t want to endanger him,” their restless pilot replied and Jyn watched with mild fascination as something suspiciously like a blush bloomed across his cheeks.

Cassian looked rather affronted, ready to argue further, but was interrupted by a grunt from Baze who was seated near the ladder. His eyes were closed and his arms were folded over his broad chest, blaster resting across his legs. “I don’t like this plan. It puts Jyn in too much danger.”

Jyn rolled her eyes, tossing back her hood and swiping the water out of her eyes. She missed K2 with a sudden and painful ache; he would have lightened the tension. Everything felt a bit disjointed without him.

 “I can handle it, I assure you,” she said, avoiding Cassian’s eye. “Besides, I don’t think any of _you_ lot would look good in a dress, so really, I’m our only option.”

Baze snorted, Cassian grumbled, and Bodhi chuckled.

“We just need to be… smart, careful,” she continued, picking up a calibrator off the counter Bodhi was leaning against and tossing it between her hands. “I’ve done things like this before, with Saw. I can play a part, be charming for a few hours,” at this statement Baze choked out a laugh, which Jyn tactfully ignored. “I’ll get what we need from this Imperial Star Captain and get out.”

“You _know_ it won’t be that easy,” Cassian groused, his dark eyes intent on hers as he took several steps closer. “You’ll be on your own in there, surrounded by Imperial Officers. A thousand things could go wrong.”

His concern, while mildly annoying, made her feel traitorously warm all over. She placed her hand on his arm and gave him a small smile. “I can handle this, alright? I just need you to trust me.”

Cassian studied her face for a long moment before sagging under her hand and squeezing his eyes shut. “Alright, just, you need to be _careful_.”

Jyn bristled, removing her hand. “I’m always careful.”

Bodhi coughed and she shot him a glare but was distracted a moment later by the familiar sound of landing thrusters. Bodhi shot upright, hands fidgeting with his worn jacket and the stained flight jumper beneath it.

“Everyone be on your best behavior,” he instructed them ominously before stepping out into the rain as a large spacecraft landed nearby.

\----

Ominseus Dre circled Jyn, frowning and tapping at his chin as the entire room waited in apprehensive silence. He was easily one of the most beautiful men Jyn had ever seen; with perfect golden skin, burnished gold hair, and well-tailored clothing in hues of blue that matched his kohl rimmed eyes. She understood Bodhi’s nervousness as she attempted to squash her own, suddenly hyper aware of her worn boots, stained pants, and bulky jacket. She was also deeply curious how the two very different men had met, and what, exactly, their relationship was.

The resplendent man’s eyes flicked upwards to capture Jyn’s and he took her face firmly between his thumb and forefinger, turning her head this way and that as he hummed thoughtfully. Behind him, Cassian’s eyes narrowed dangerously.

Ominseus released her and stepped back a moment later, turning toward a woman in a bright pink dress that revealed more than it concealed. The poor woman had been hovering anxiously at his elbow the entire time. “She’ll do, I think, but it will require some work,” the man said imperiously, waving an aristocratic hand that summoned several more women in similar stages of undress.

“But first,” he continued, meeting Jyn’s eye with an expression that made her want to bolt for the door. “She’ll need a _bath_.”

\--

Several painful, mind numbing hours later, Jyn was dragged into a lavish sitting area to be presented.

Baze took one look at her and broke down into raucous laughter. Bodhi snorted into his palm, vainly trying to cover it with a cough, and Cassian merely stared, unblinking, expression impossible to read.

“Isn’t she perfect?” Ominseus preened, taking her by the hand and forcing her to twirl.

The dress, ice blue and studded with glistening crystals, swished and slithered almost sensuously against her legs, which had been made long by silvery sandaled heels several inches high. The garment, easily more expensive and extravagant than anything Jyn had ever owned, was taunt across her chest, pressing her breasts upward before cascading into elegant waves down to her toes. The bodice clung to the outer curves of her shoulders, leaving much of her chest and neck bare, and swept down her arms in a wave of crystals and thin mesh. Her hair had been carefully curled and fluffed and pinned back into intricate swirls atop her head, studded with more gems and spritzed with mysterious chemicals that smelled of flowers and musk that seemed to keep the entire construction in place. Cosmetics had been applied to the corners of her eyes, her cheeks, and her lips, which felt annoyingly sticky and unfamiliar against her skin and she had to keep reminding herself not to scratch her nose or rub her eyes.

It was utterly ridiculous of course, but… she felt rather pretty. Or _had_ felt pretty, before Baze had started laughing and Bodhi looked like he was about to burst at any moment. Now she was blushing fiercely and debating on throwing an ornate vase from the nearby table at the old warrior’s stupid face.

She couldn’t bear to look at Cassian, not if she wanted to get through the evening in one piece (or at the very least with her pride still relatively intact).

“You look great, dear,” one of the pretty assistants assured her kindly, rescuing her from Ominseus’s clutches and leading her to a nearby chair.

“We’re almost in orbit,” Cassian said pointedly and she was both relived and disappointed to find he wasn’t even looking at her. “Let’s go over the plan again.”

Ominseus draped himself in a chair and accepted a flute of pink, fizzing liquid. “Our dear Miss Erso, otherwise known as Alexra Yural,” he said with exaggerated eloquence, “will be accompanying one Captain Tobin Sheen to an Imperial Gala. I frequently provide companions to Imperial officers for such events, particularly Sheen, so there should be no suspicion, provided you play your part, my dear,” he said this last bit to Jyn, tilting his glass at her before draining it in one long swallow.

“If you’ve such a cozy working relationship with the Empire,” Cassian said behind a barely contained sneer, “Why help us at all?”

Ominesus set his empty glass on a golden tray extended to him by a service droid and clasped his hands in his lap. He smiled, but his eyes were shards of ice as he replied, “I provide escorts to the wealthy, the important, the powerful. I do _not_ provide dispensable play things and toys for the Empire’s amusement.” Jyn shivered, the implications clear. 

Cassian’s eyes darted briefly in her direction, sweeping up her body once, twice, before looking quickly away. “Is Captain Sheen likely to try and… _play_?” he asked between clenched teeth.

Ominesus fluttered a hand dismissively, the many rings on his fingers glittering. “Sheen is harmless, physically speaking. But _he_ will not be the only one at this party, Miss Erso will need to be careful she does not draw unwanted attention.”

Baze snorted. “I wouldn’t count on it. She has a knack for unwanted attention,” he said ruefully, and Jyn shot him a scowl, to which he merely smirked.

“But,” Ominesus continued, “If you’re so concerned, Captain Andor, I believe I can smuggle at least one of you in as part of the wait staff, provided you don’t do anything stupid.”

“I-I’ll do it,” Bodhi volunteered without hesitation, warming Jyn’s heart, but Ominesus’s expression briefly darkened with something like concern or disapproval.

“No,” Cassian replied sternly, “We’ll need you with Ominesus to monitor communications traffic. I’ll go, Baze can play lookout nearby, watch out for any suspicious activity.”

“You mean aside from us,” Baze scoffed but offered a sardonic salute of agreement as relief washed over Jyn.

The thought of having Cassian nearby was embarrassingly reassuring.

“Right,” Ominesus interjected, haughtily. “As I was _saying_. Captain Sheen is in unique position to help you attain what you’re after. He has recently been assigned to oversee the shipping stations of several star systems near the Outer Territories. Small, relatively new facilities, without much real protection in place. If Captain Sheen is the domineering and insufferable sort of man I know him to be, he will have his security codes on him at all times. All Miss Erso has to do is use her feminine _wiles_ to relieve him of said codes, facilitate a copy, and return them to him. Easy as breathing for you lot, I’m sure.”

Jyn could feel them all looking at her, waiting for her affirmation, her assurance. Cassian, in particular, looked troubled and torn.

She gathered herself, forced her mind to focus on the mission, on what they needed to do, and set aside everything else. She could do this. This would be nothing after infiltrating the base on Scarif and transmitting the Death Star plans.

 _Easy as breathing_.

Jyn smiled, a slow, dangerous smile and reclined confidently back in her chair, one leg crossed over the other so that the dress split to her thigh, revealing the long line of her legs. “Well, let the party begin.”

“Wonderful,” Ominesus said blandly, rising to his feet with a clap of his hands before rounding on Jyn with a gleam in his eye. “Now, my dear, how are you at dancing?”

\--

Jyn shifted her weight, clutching her thin shawl to her chest, and took several calming breaths as they waited for Imperial Captain Tobin Sheen to arrive.

“Don’t be nervous,” Cassian said, coming to stand at her side, startling her a little. She hadn’t heard him come into the room. Bodhi and Baze had long since left. Bodhi to hide in the cockpit with the pilot and Baze heading out into the city to find a watch point.

Cassin was dressed in a well-made uniform of black with accents of white at the seams, the shirt buttoned high at his throat and the material pressed snuggly against his chest. His hair and beard had been carefully trimmed and combed and he looked very handsome.

“I-I’m not,” she stammered and Cassian frowned at her, clearly misreading her reaction.

“Jyn…” he began, wavering uncertainly, his expression softening, condensing the air around them, and her breath caught in the back of her throat.

She wet her lips nervously, and his eyes followed the movement.

The doors to the sitting room slid open and Cassian startled away from her as Ominesus breezed into the room. The golden-haired man gave her a stern, meaningful look that clearly read ‘ _show time, pull yourself together’_ as another, far more severely dressed man followed behind him.

“Dear Captain Sheen, may I present Miss Alexra Yural,” Ominesus gushed, pressing Jyn forward, “your companion for this evening. That is, if she is to your satisfaction.”

Jyn managed not to bristle, though it was a near thing, as the tall, rotund man surveyed her with thin, pinched lips and beady, close set eyes. His Imperial Officer uniform looked rather drab as opposed to commanding, she decided as she took the opportunity to consider where he might have stashed his key codes.

Captain Sheen looked her up and down like she was a haunch of meat in a shop window once more before nodding once and extending his arm to her. “She will do, I suppose,” he drawled in a nasally voice.

Steeling herself, Jyn plastered a vacant smile on her face and slid her arm through his. She could feel Cassian’s eyes at her back.

“A moment, sir,” Ominesus insisted stepping forward, “I would like one of my man servants to accompany her, he’ll stay out of sight, of course, but will insure she is returned to me at the end of the evening.”

Sheen’s eyes narrowed. “That is highly irregular. Why ever for?”

Jyn stiffened as Ominesus’s smile faltered slightly before he swept forward and drew Sheen a little away.

“Surely you’ve heard of recent… _incidents_ where my escorts have not been returned to me at appropriate times or have been in less than healthy conditions,” Ominesus said at a loud whisper. “It is merely a precaution, to ensure all runs smoothly, I promise you shan’t even know he is there!”

Sheen considered for a long moment, Jyn’s palms beginning to sweat, before he finally gave an exasperated sigh, “Oh, _very well_ then,” the Imperial Captain groused, motioning for her to come forward with an agitated flick of his wrist. “We must hurry, we’re already late.”

Jyn did her best to keep pace in her less than ideal shoes as she was tugged down the main corridor of Ominesus’s lavish ship and then down a flight of stairs to the landing bay where a sleek, black hovercraft awaited them. She could feel Cassian at her back and his presence gave her the courage she needed to lean into Sheen’s side and place her free hand on his arm. The Imperial Captain shot her an uncertain look which morphed into an even more uncertain smile, before he helped her into the hover craft. Cassian barely had a chance to climb into the back seat before the droid driving the craft shot off into the vibrant city.

The city, Reeth or Leeth or something like that, was large and glittering, diming the stars and hiding the moon. Large cities made Jyn anxious, made her feel trap and smothered, even if they provided a much better means of blending in. Not that she was likely to blend in _anywhere_ in her current get up.

“I’m sure Mr. Dre made your position this evening quite clear,” Sheen said haughtily. “But I would like to reinforce that you must be on your best behavior this evening. Do not speak unless spoken to and treat all those present with the utmost curtesy that their station deservers. Understood?”

Jyn had several ideas about the sort of treatment Imperial Officers deserved, but managed to bite her tongue and smile vacantly. “Of course, my lord,” she cooed and he seemed placated as they dipped down into the night before coming to a stop before a massive building, brightly lit, with landing bays draped in red velvet carpet. Stormtroopers milled about the area in tight formation as guests filed up the marble steps and Jyn’s heart tripped and stumbled.

“Don’t be nervous, my dear,” Sheen said kindly as he helped her from the hover craft, likely noticing the tremble in her fingers as he took her hand.

Jyn couldn’t quite stop herself from glancing back at Cassian. He met her gaze for the briefest of moments, his dark eyes hard and full of… _something_. Something that made her spine tingle and her belly tighten, before she forced her gaze to snap away.

Having noticed her glance, Sheen sighed deeply and wavde a Stormtrooper over. “See this… servant to the kitchens if you please, perhaps they can find some use for him there.”

Cassian opened his mouth, likely to protest, but Jyn gave him a small shake of her head.

“Come with me,” the Stormtrooper commanded, blaster in hand, and Cassian followed dutifully after as Sheen pulled her toward the main doors. She was well and truly alone now, she realized as Officers in black and white watched them pass, their eyes tracing her body in a way that made her twitch, that made her feel dirty and exposed. She’d spent her life trying to blend in, pass without notice, it rankled to be seen, to be observed and admired.

Inside, music swelled as couples twirled across a gleaming marble dance floor. Dozens of tables lined the outside of the floor as guests mingled over their drinks, laughing and chattering. Women wore gaudy, bright colors, as they dangled like jewels from the arms of the men present. In the Empire, women didn’t have a place in leadership; the thought amused Jyn with its irony as Sheen guided her anxiously toward one group in particular.

“Ah, Sheen, we had wondered if you were coming,” said a greasy looking man with pallid skin that shone beneath the dimmed lights and oily black hair that stuck out from beneath his customary gray cap. The badge on his left breast indicated that he, too, was a Captain.

Jyn felt Sheen bristled beneath her arm as a wave of cheap perfume and sharp body odor assaulted her. “Of course, Vernal, I wouldn’t miss this celebration for the world. Not after my recent promotion, and the recent success of the Death Star.”

Vernal’s slithering smile faltered before his gaze fell on Jyn. The way his eyes took a long, slow path up her body made her want to punch him square in the nose but she held herself rigidly still, maintaining the smile on her face through sheer willpower.

“And who is this lovely flower?” he asked in a voice as slick as blaster grease.

“Ah, yes, this is Miss Alexra Yural,” Sheen said and Jyn dipped into a small curtsy.

“Pleased to meet you, my lord,” she said softly.

Vernal studied her, his own glittering, heavily made up partner smiling inanely from his arm. “One of Ominesus stock?” he asked with a sneer, the jealously clear in his tone. Sheen preened, his hand settling low on Jyn’s waist as he urged her closer to his side. _Disgusting_ , she thought furiously, _the whole lot of them._

“That’s right, lovely creature, isn’t she?”

Vernal hummed into his glass, watching her with burning eyes that made her stomach roil. “Indeed, perhaps you’ll allow me a dance?”

Sheen smiled politely as Jyn fought down a wave of physical repulsion. “Perhaps. Though I'll claim the first I think. Shall we my dear?”

Jyn nodded, her jaw already aching from her forced smiling. “I would love to,” she gushed as convincingly as possible as he led her toward the dance floor. She could feel Captain Vernal’s eyes watching her, as intent as a predator stalking its prey.

“Ghastly man,” Sheen said, taking her in his arms as he led her through the first steps. The music was pleasant and she had a sudden image of Cassian in Sheen’s place, his arms wrapped around her, his intense gaze focused on her and only her.

A blush crept up her cheeks and it was clear that Sheen misread it as his eyes darkened with barely concealed desire. “You are a lovely creature, Alexra. Tell me, where are you from?”

“Nowhere of consequence, my lord,” she said, biting her lip to keep from winching as he trod on her toes. “A small moon in the Webern sector.”

Sheen hummed with bare interest. “Have you been with Ominesus long?”

Jyn shook her head, managing to avoid being stepped on this time as he spun her awkwardly out and back in. She was able compensate for his fumbling, somewhat anyway, as she’d always been a decent dancer; fighting and dancing had much in common, she’d found. “Not long my lord, but I have enjoyed my work with him.”

“I’m sure you have,” he breathed, low and hot against her neck as he tugged her closer than the dance required. His breath smelt of something sharp and sour and it took a truly heroic effort to keep from turning her face away in disgust.

“You’re much better than the last girl,” he said, his lips dancing along her neck, “perhaps I’ll request your services in the future. You’re a lovely dancer.” His hand slithered up her spine and she squeezed her eyes shut. This was her opportunity, she realized, steeling herself as she pressed a hand to his waist, letting her fingers wander seductively up first one side and then the other as she was spun and twirled.

It was a dangerous game, she realized, as he pressed against her backside, his interest in her horribly apparent through his trousers. Shifting her hands up along the outside of his thigh, she felt the slight indentation of what she desperately hoped was a data key. Holding her breath, Jyn rocked into him and slipped her hand quickly in and out of his pocket as he gasped against her neck. The music stopped just as she was able to stow the data card in a secret fold of her gown and Sheen stepped away from her, flushed and perhaps a bit embarrassed as he glanced about the room

“You make me forget myself,” he half accused as he led her from the floor. Captain Vernal was nowhere in sight, which was disconcerting. He was the sort of man she wanted to keep an eye on.

“Why don’t you go freshen up, my dear,” Sheen said, no longer paying attention to her as his sights landed on a skeletal looking gentleman across the room.

“Of course,” she said, beyond grateful as he slipped quickly away, leaving Jyn behind. She glanced about, finding the eyes of curious enemies all around, and hurried toward the hallway to her left.

She found the lavatory easily enough, a gaggle of richly dress women congregated outside it, and made a beeline for the opposing hallway. She took a moment to be sure she wasn’t being followed before slipping into a small supply closet. Encased in darkness, she withdrew a comlink from another hidden pocket and pressed the vibration button, letting Cassian know it was safe to radio her, which he did almost immediately.

“Where are you?” he demanded.

“Supply closet, down the hall from the restrooms,” she whispered back, hearing the tell-tale gait of Stormtroopers just outside and pressing back further from the door.

“Do you have the data card?”

“Yes.”

“That’s my girl,” he said with a warmth and familiarity that made her toes curl. “Wait there, I’ll come to you.”

“Be careful,” she replied. “There are guards patrolling.”

“Roger that,” he said and Jyn slipped the comlink back into her dress, heart beating just a little bit faster in her chest, though whether from fear or anticipation, she wasn't entirely sure.   

The door opened what felt like a lifetime later and a figure stepped in. Jyn rushed forward, relieved, but was stopped short by the unmistakable scent of cheap cologne and human sweat.

“My, my, my,” Captain Vernal drawled, shutting the door behind him and thrusting the room back into darkness. “What have we here?”

Stunned, Jyn took a step back. She had been so certain no one was following her, how-

“I-I just needed a moment alone,” she gushed. “It’s my first real party and I-I was nervous.”

Vernal took a step forward and her back met the supply cabinets. His eyes glinted like knives in the dark and he reached for her, brushing his knuckles against her cheek. _Cassian_ , her mind cried in true terror, _where is Cassian?!_

“Ominesus won’t allow me to buy from him any longer,” he said, voice slippery and vile. “Not after the last girl. But I think he’ll find I can be a singularly determined man when the mood strikes.”

He lunged forward, pressing himself tightly against her before she could react, and his mouth assailed hers, his tongue slimy and revolting as he grabbed at her breast. She’d been stupid. So stupid to allow herself to be caught in such a situation. Jyn could kill him. Easily, really, but the repercussions would be-

She cried out as he pulled roughly on her hair and bit at her throat, driving all logic and reason far from her mind as she instinctively began to struggle against him. Vernal drew back and struck her hard in the stomach, driving the air from her lungs before she could react.

“There is some fight in you after all. Good,” he grunted, though his voice sounded far away as she tried to push past the burning pain, like a molten sun in her gut. Force save her, she couldn’t breathe, and she was _drowning_. Drowning as he pawed at her dress, tearing it, hands at her breasts, her thighs.

Distantly, she heard the door open and a familiar voice called her name as Vernal was torn away from her. She sagged to the floor, gasping for breath, finally free from the rankness of his body as she slumped into herself. There was a sharp crack and muffled cry and someone reached for her, fingers brushing along her arm.

Jyn flinched away, only barely managing to contain a scream as Cassian cursed in a language she didn’t understand.

“Jyn, Jyn, it’s me, okay, it’s me, it’s alright,” his familiar voice called to her from the darkness and the relief that swept through her was so acute she nearly started sobbing.

“C-Cassian?” she said, voice a wreck as she tried to pull herself together.

“Let me get the light,” he said, his tone brimming with fury. A moment later the single overhead bulb flicked on to reveal Captain Vernal slumped against the opposing side of the closet, his neck at an odd angle. She could still taste him in her mouth and the flavor became ash and death on her tongue.

“You killed him,” she breathed, shocked.

Cassian sneered and spit on the Captain’s lifeless face. “Bastard, I only wish he were alive so I could do it again.”

Jyn shook her head, legs shaking too badly for her to stand. “Cassian, they’ll find his body, or notice he’s not at the party and then what?” she demanded, voice bordering on shrill.  

He stepped close to her, crouching down, and he reached carefully for her face, holding her in place with the intensity of his gaze. His expression was simultaneously murderous and soft as his thumb brushed across her cheek, her bruised lower lip, her jaw, soothing away the terror and residual pain.

“Did he hurt you?” he croaked, and she’d only ever seen him so undone once before, when they’d been on the brink of death.  

“Only a little,” she said, gathering the pieces of her scattered armor and pulling them together again. They still had a job to do. “He tore my dress and ruined my hair.”

Cassian closed his eyes, fingers tightening slightly against her jaw before he released her. “Ominesus gave me a few things, in case you needed some… _retouching_ –his words, not mine.”

Jyn tried for a smirk, holding the torn front of her dress against herself. “You have a needle and thread in there?” she asked as he pulled a small bag from a pocket in his pants.

“Let’s hope so,” he replied, rifling through it for a moment before triumphantly brandishing a needle and a spool of translucent thread.

“I’m not the best at mending,” she said, reaching for it, “but I’ll-“

“I’ve got it,” he interrupted her, scooting closer. “My mother was a seamstress.”

She was stunned into silence at the mention of his parents. Cassian never spoke of his family or of his life before the Rebellion. Never. He took her silence for affirmation and reached for her dress, fingers brushing along the skin at the upper part of her breast, making her shiver.

“Sorry,” he murmured, not quite meeting her eye as he began carefully stitching the bodice of the dress back to the seam of the sleeve.

Jyn closed her eyes, unable to watch him, his dark head bent over her, his face so close to her skin she could feel the heat radiating off him, and unable to look at the lifeless Captain Vernal beside them. She tried to pretend that they were somewhere else, _anywhere_ else really, as she breathed him in. It took every ounce of her willpower not to dip her chin and nuzzle the top of his head, to wrap her arms around him and feel the solid warmth of him against her, to use him to chase away the lingering imprint of unwanted hands.

 He pulled back too soon, taking all the warmth and comfort with him as her eyes fluttered open. His cheeks were flushed and he ducked his head to sort through the contents of the bag, handing her a variety of objects. “Can you manage your hair and cosmetics? We have to hurry. I’ll copy the data key.”

Jyn, who’d completely forgotten the key, fumbled it from her pocket and handed it to him. Cassian slipped the disk into a data reader disguised as a cosmetic pallet and Jyn lifted the hand mirror to take stock.  She winched at the state of her hair and attempted to get into some semblance of order, replacing a few pins and spritzing it with the spray Ominesus and had been wise enough to include. Her cosmetics weren’t bad off, but her neck was red from where Vernal had bitten her. She dabbed at the spot with pale cream, blending it into her skin, and snapped the mirror shut just as Cassian completed his scan.

Jyn got to her feet, avoiding the dead man’s sprawled legs, and watched as Cassian returned everything to the small pouch and shoved it back into his pocket.

“The data key,” he said, offering it to her and meeting her eyes, which were distant and careful once more. With her shoes, they were nearly eye level, his lips not far out of reach.

“Thank you,” she said, taking the key and returning it to its hiding spot.

“What will you do?” she asked.

“I need to return to the kitchens, get the data key back and then I suggest you fake an illness. I’ll let Bodhi know we’ll need a pick up.”

“Isn’t that dangerous?”

“Maybe, but so is remaining here with a dead Imperial Officer. We need to get away from here, and soon.”

Jyn nodded, pleased to find that her knees were no longer shaking, and made for the door. What she wouldn't have given for have a blaster strapped to her hip in that moment. She opened the door slowly and peered into the hallway beyond. It was dimly lit and deserted, the music from the main hall and the distant cadence of voices echoing along the walls. Perhaps Vernal had instructed the guard detail to bypass the hall, she thought, feeling rather sick with the prospect.  

Cassian came to her side, pressing against her back, warm and solid. Her breath caught.

“You go first,” he murmured, and she could _feel_ the words on the bared skin of her shoulder.

Jyn bit her lip and nodded, shifting to leave, but he stopped her with a hand on her waist.

“Be careful, please,” he said, voice strained, fingers clenching, hot like a brand even through the dress, and she wanted to look back and read his expression, but he pressed her gently forward.

Silently reprimanding herself for being so easily distracted, Jyn girded her loins, lifted her dress, and hurried down the hall, wishing, as always, that they had more time.

\--

Sheen glared at her as she approached, detaching himself from the group he’d been speaking to and taking her roughly by the arm. “Where have you been?” he demanded harshly, drawing her close, and Jyn swallowed back a furious retort.

She really wanted to hit something.

“I don’t feel well,” she managed and he pulled away slightly to study her face, eyes narrowing.

“You do look a bit peaked,” he said slowly, and she adjusted the fall of her arm and turned her head slightly, hoping to hide the freshly sewn seam and bite mark.

“I’ll be alright,” Jyn said and tried to flutter her lashes while looking up at him through them. She felt like an idiot. “I’ve had such a wonderful evening.”

Sheen’s gaze softened slightly and his grip on her arm loosened. She used the opportunity to lean into him, letting the data card slip from between her fingers and back into his pocket. “Well, I’d intended on leaving early anyway,” he said thoughtfully.” Perhaps we could return to my rooms and share a nice meal? There are several hours yet till you need to return.”

“That sounds lovely,” Jyn replied through a smile that hurt.

Sheen beamed, seeming to have forgotten her earlier transgression entirely, and took her other arm. “Perhaps another dance, then?”

“Of course,” she said, wishing she could be doing almost anything else. She could still taste Vernal, putrid and invasive in her mouth.

Movement drew her eye as a small squad of Stormtroopers entered the hall and made a beeline for the skeletal looking man Sheen had left her to speak with earlier. She watched them as Sheen pulled her into the dance, heart falling into her stomach as the man frowned, looking deeply troubled. The comlink vibrated in her pocket and she jerked away from Sheen into an impromptu spin.

A Stormtrooper approached them, tapping Sheen on the shoulder to draw his attention, and terror lodged hot and heavy in Jyn’s throat. She wondered what the likelihood of her being able to make it from the room unnoticed was and, while Jyn was certainly no K2SO, even she knew the chances were not high.

“Sir,” the Stormtrooper said, “We have a situation.”

Sheen colored with fury at the interruption and he released her reluctantly. “Then I suggest you handle it,” he bit back, tone rather murderous.

“Governor Tarkin has asked for you, sir,” the Stormtrooper replied and Jyn could feel his eyes studying her from behind the mask. She tried to look as insipid and brainless as possible. Sheen paled and swallowed.

“Yes, of course. I’ll be just a moment, my dear,” the Captain said to her absently, leaving her to find her own way off the dance floor.

Stormtroopers were lining the room at a steady trickle and she looked frantically for any sign of Cassian. A flash of light caught her attention from the balcony above and she quickly made for the stairs. She only barely managed to slip past a set of Officers questioning a squad of Stormtroopers, blasters in hand, and she took the empty steps two at a time, silently cursing her lack of mobility in the stupid dress that was constantly trying to trip herup.

The balcony was dotted with largely unoccupied tables and she walked between them with her head held high and a smile on her face. No one paid her much heed.

She made it to the far end of the walkway before Cassian grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into an alcove. It was dark within and Cassian was pressed tightly against her back, one arm wrapped securely about her waist.

“They found the body,” he whispered and Jyn hissed in response. “Baze says they’re sending more troops as we speak.”

“I _told_ you we shouldn’t have killed him,” she bit back, panic clawing up her throat.

Cassian stiffened, his arm tightening, pressing her tightly back against him, and she was hyper aware of every point where they touched. “Would you rather I’d let him have his way with you?” he demanded harshly, accent thick, and Jyn fought the urge to drive her elbow back into his chest.

“I can take care of myself,” she managed to hiss before he covered her mouth with a hand.

“Whoever they are they’re likely still inside the building, close all the exits and lock down the landing pads. We will find who did this,” said a stern voice, fading as it moved away from them.

“We have to get out of here, _now_ ,” Cassian said and she shook his hand off. Rolling her eyes a little, Jyn shifted out of his grip to peer out the curtains.

“Wouldn’t it be better to stay and wait it out?” she asked.

“I’d rather not risk it. They’ll start asking questions and we may not have the right answers. Bodhi should be on his way.”

“They’ve closed the landing pads,” she replied, closing the hangings and turning around to find his eyes in the dim light that filtered from beneath the thick cloth. He was very close and his gaze dipped toward her lips as a rather sly smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“Who said anything about needing a landing pad?”

\--

Jyn wouldn’t say she was afraid of heights, precisely, but she certainly wasn’t very fond of them.

“This is insane!” she cried against the wind, pressing herself as tightly as humanly possible against the wall behind her, and desperately trying not to look down.

“Do you have a better idea?!” Cassian hollered back, shifting carefully, so carefully, along the ledge and making her want to scream. The wind whipped her dress across her legs, stinging where it connected with her skin, and her bare toes ached with the strain of clinging desperately to frozen stone. The first thing she’d done when Cassian had laid out their frankly suicidal escape plan, was to remove her shoes and throw them out the window.

“We could have stayed inside like --” she began, but a sudden, sharp gust of wind cut her off and she prayed to whatever gods might be listening that she wasn’t about to be flung off into the night air like an ostentatiously dressed feather.

“He’ll be here! We just have to hang on!”

“Right. Great. Wonderful,” she muttered sardonically, gazing up, up, and up toward the ominous towers above them. She could hear the traffic of hover craft and other vehicles below, envisioning the endless stream of machine and metal, and wondered how far down she’d make it before she broke every bone in her body.

“There!” Cassian cried, and, like an idiot, she looked down.

It was even worse than she’d imagined. The world spun around her and only Cassian’s death-defining reflexes kept her from tumbling into oblivion.

“Put your arms around me,” he commanded at a near shout, lips moving against her ear, the words all but piercing her ear drums. She obeyed jerkily. “We have to jump,” he told her once she was a bit more stable, one arm anchored about her waist like a vice grip.

“Fuck you,” she said amiably, clinging to him for dear life, and he actually _chuckled_.

“You can do it, alright? Just turn and jump, Baze is there to catch you.”

“Fuck you,” she repeated and turned her head to find Baze looking at her with fierce determination from the back of a hover craft that Bodhi was piloting.

“Hurry!” Baze bellowed at her impatiently. “Stop being a dammed baby and _jump_!”

“Blood _hell_ ,” she half screamed, adjusting her stance even though her entire body protested. “If you don’t catch me, Baze, I’ll bloody _kill you_.”

The old warrior rolled his eyes and opened his arms. Cassian gave her hip one last squeeze, released her, and Jyn shot away from the wall. She seemed to hover in the air for several long horrific moments, a scream caught in her throat, before she slammed bodily into Baze, rocking the hovercraft ominously.

“I got you, little sister,” Baze rumbled, voice gone rather affectionate and Jyn realized she was a trembling mess in his arms, clinging to him like some bizarre sea creature. The craft shook again a moment later and then Cassian was pulling her up and helping her strap into a seat.

“Can’t you two go anywhere without killing someone?!” Bodhi shouted as he took off at a breakneck speed into the night.

Cassian ignored him and practically ripped his jacket off in order to get it around her shoulders, rubbing her arms roughly once he’d forced them through the sleeves and sending sparks of heat and feeling back into her frozen limbs.

“I’ve got you,” he murmured, almost to himself as he continued rubbing her arms up and down, “I’ve got you.” And the words, more than anything else, warmed her through.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr @pardonmymannerssir
> 
> Comments are lovely and so are you.


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